Jokes & Funny Stories

Baby Boomers

Alzheimer's Test

ALZHEIMER'S TEST

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

Julie Andrews on Maturity
	To commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound Of Music". Here are the lyrics she used:

I'm Broke
	WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go away!' said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!' and she proceeded to close the door.

Tonto
	Old Mate Tonto A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, ‘business trip or vacation?' She turned, smiled enchantingly and said 'Business.

Bottle of Wine
	A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished But amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling.... about women drivers; the woman says, 'So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days'.

Before Computers

Martha Vs Maxine

martha

*Martha's Way*

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Give this some thought
	About 2 years ago my friend and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

Women are smarter than men

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, so he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

One evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.